Valhalla Island

I have a clothing problem.

Excluding my extravagant $300-on-one-outfit splurge a few weeks ago, I haven’t really been shopping for clothes in over a year. My favourite pieces of clothing are literally worn so often they’re falling apart. A pair of shorts I’ve had since mid high school has worn through the ass — there’s no rip or tear, they haven’t been grazed, they’ve literally been worn down until there’s nothing left.

I can’t stand shopping for clothes. I suffer from the paradox of choice. There’s the ideal piece of clothing in my head that, because there’s so much choice, just has to exist. I look for it, I don’t find it, I don’t want to throw away my money on something that’s not exactly what I want, so I don’t buy anything.

When I would buy something it would often be bought on impulse after not finding what I was looking for. I end up with an unevenly weighted wardrobe and I still don’t have what I really need.

That and I just dislike the whole experience of clothes shopping.

Only now have I stopped, thought about my problem and considered a solution. It’s time to get pragmatic about my wardrobe. My answer is an army style inventory of clothing.

I’ve compiled a list of the clothes and how many I need that will cover all but very special cases for, hopefully, the rest of my life. The idea is that I issue myself this set of clothes, no less and no more. As one item becomes worn to the point of discomfort or is put out of commission for whatever reason, it is either repaired or replaced by a similar item of clothing. Old clothes are to be put in a basket to be used as rags or for tasks like painting, if the basket is full, they can be donated. While my inventory is full I do not buy any more clothes.

This afternoon I drew up a draft of my clothing inventory. As is the case with many things — 3 is the magic number.

• 3 × shorts
• 3 × sports shorts
• 3 × tracksuit pants
• 3 × jeans — 2 decent pairs, 1 nice pair
• 3 × nice, collared shirts
• 3 × cheap t-shirts
• ∞ × nicer t-shirts
• 3 × thick ankle socks
• 3 × thick longer socks
• 6 × undies — 3 CK, 3 Davenport
• 1 × board shorts
• 3 × hoodies
• 2 × cotton pyjama pants

I’ve chosen the quantities not for variation of potential outfits but for the ideal ratio between initial cost and frequency of washing. I’ll break down explanations for each item and situations they will be used in.

Shorts. Nice, plain, hard wearing, comfortable, knee length shorts, that’s all.

Sports shorts. Not the super short type, something loose and extremely comfortable. These will be all purpose shorts, worn around the house, to uni, to the shops, playing sport, exercising, anything that doesn’t call for the nicer shorts above.

Tracksuit pants. The Winter equivalent of sports shorts.

Jeans. The Winter equivalent of shorts and for going places that require long pants. Happy to spend $200+ on the nice pair and between $50–100 on the cheaper pairs.

Nice, collared shirts. The button down, expensive kind. For occasions and venues that require something more sharp. Also for trying to impress girls at those occasions and venues.

Cheap t-shirts. Worn in conjunction with sports shorts or tracksuit pants.

Nicer t-shirts. This is the kind that you accumulate, brand name, threadless, full bleed, you know the kind. For situations in between cheap t-shirts and the nice collared shirt. Worn with shorts, sports shorts, jeans, tracksuit pants, everything. The one item without a quantity limit.

Thick ankle socks. For sport use, home use and the rare occasion I wear shoes with shorts.

Thick longer socks. For use with long pants.

Undies. After being convinced to spend $30 on a single pair of Calvin Klein undies I will never spend less on underwear again. Unless they’re Davenport which are less expensive and slightly less comfortable but have still completely changed my world. I know it’s a lot of money for undies but believe me, I’ve never come across a better case of getting what you pay for.

Board shorts. For any non-lap swimming. Usually last a couple of Summers.

Hoodies. Self explained. The only kind of jumper I need.

Cotton pyjama pants. For sleeping in all seasons.

I should also cover shoes. There’s four pairs, an inventory I have been sticking to since leaving school but hadn’t realised until now.

• 1 × good thongs (flip flops for non-Australians)
• 1 × decent canvas shoe
• 1 × nicer shoe
• 1 × running shoe

Thongs are about the only thing I wear on my feet for the Summer months and those surrounding. The decent canvas shoe replaces thongs in the Winter and any other shoe requiring situation. The nicer shoe covers occasions and venues that require it. Both those shoes are always Macbeth brand — they’re cheap, extremely durable and comfortable, I won’t buy any other brand. Running shoe is for exercise and sport, it has no place anywhere else contrary to the belief of many IT professionals.

For someone who wants to be practical about the clothes I buy and cares little about fashion I think having an inventory of clothes makes a lot of sense. I seriously think this set, plus and minus some items could last my entire life.

Now to just organise what I already have, sideline what I don’t need and fill in the gaps.